


tweet tweet

by highqualitynot



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Everyone Is Gay, Gen Z humour, Multi, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Slow Burn, Social Media, Twitter, aka endgame broke me and i found peter/harley and twitter fics and now here we are, but i had fun writing all these stupid jokes, i don't have a twitter, i took a lot of inspo from other twitter fics too, im just here to have a good time, in fact i barely know anything about twitter, they're IDIOTS and its. really great
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2020-03-02 21:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18819763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highqualitynot/pseuds/highqualitynot
Summary: peter parker officially has two accounts on twitter and the world might be ending. but not before he and harley stop being idiots and actually get together.





	1. @spider-man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it begins... the @spider-man account is born.
> 
> also i finally got rich text to work without fucking with my formatting so boom! real ass image of a spidey selfie. learning html really helped me with understanding how ao3 works 
> 
> ah who cares. enjoy my creation. its slapped together memes, mutual pining and lack of knowledge of how twitter works.

**does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

whats good twitter

> **ah shit, here we go again,** _@spiderma'am_

SPIDER-MAN????

>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

ye

>>> **spidey fan #1** _@flashydashy_

NO WAY!!! prove it!

>>>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

>>>>> **SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME** _@flashydashy_

HOLY SHIT

\---

 **Celeb News Now** _@CNNcelebnews_

 _@spider-man_ could be the real spider-man! "whats good twitter" is this account's first tweet.

\---

 **The Daily Bugle** _@TheDailyBugle_

Spider-man now has a twitter... but is it really the menace himself? _#ManOrMenace_

\---

 **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

 _@spider-man_ you made a twitter?!?!

> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

yeah ofc!! gotta interact with the people. the community. the spider-lings!!!

>> **salt and... what's this?** _@pepperpotts_

This is gonna be a PR nightmare.

>>> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

Spidey, please stop

>>>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

YOU'RE NOT MY DAD I DO WHAT I WANT

>>>>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

sorry _#irondad_

\---

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my tumblr [ right here ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com)
> 
> dont go looking for it on twitter tho. because i don't actually have a twitter. i wrote a whole fanfiction about a social media platform i know nothing about for a ship that hasn't even met. 
> 
> this is fine.
> 
> question of the day: favourite recent meme?
> 
> ah shit, here we go again, is very useful. but old town road slaps. and the duolingo owl will kill me for not doing my french hw.


	2. #avengers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more frequent updates atm because i have time. aka i want to procrastinate studying for social lmao. so there. plus im constantly writing new ideas for this shit so its easy to put out frequent updates of small chapters.

**hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

i dont wanna take my fucking bio unit test who wants to dip

> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

don't you DARE skip it i need you to quiz me right now

>> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

Don't skip class, Peter.

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

what if its to work on my VALUABLE stark internship HMM?

>>>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

peter parker get your ass to class before ned, me, mrs. perfuma and TONY GODDAMN STARK rip you apart

>>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

ugh FINE. FINE. i hope you're HAPPY. i didn't even STUDY. im gonna FAIL mj.

\---

 **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

fuc u basard _@peteyparkerr_

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

what???

>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

nobody:

your bitch ass: omg i didn't study i bet i failed!!! 

your goddamn test: 83%

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

yeah i KNOW i did bad mj

>>>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

\---

 **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

 _#avengers_ how many of y'all have twitter?

> **America's Ass** _@captainamerica_

Hello Spidey!!! 

>> **slow down there** _@buckaroobarnes_

whats poppin spider-man 

>>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

 _@buckaroobarnes_ how did you learn to meme speak

>>>> **meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

thats my work

>>>>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

thank u legend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblrs [ here ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com) still join me now in shitposting my life away
> 
> heres a question for u... fav school subject? im a loser and a nerd so i like everything about evenly. but if we're talking about just biology topics... molecular biology is my favourite and i wish i was doing it right now


	3. @thor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i DID NOT expect this bullshit fic to get so popular in just a few days wow ily all so much
> 
> in any case: have a longer chapter!! i figured the thor/bruce sections should stay together so here it is!

**literally a norse god omg** _@thor_

HHELLOP PEOPLKEW IOF EARYH _@spiderman_ MNADE MEW A TWEOTTRER HOWE ARTE YUOU

> **the credible hulk** _@drbrucebanner_

babe, are the keys too small for your fingers?

>> **literally a norse god omg** _@thor_

MNAYBE HJOW DO I MASKE THJE LERTERS LOIWERCASDE AGSAIN

>>> **the credible hulk** _@drbrucebanner_

press the little arrow key until it's gray. also i think you need a bigger phone ajdpxnosneo

>>>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

you're doin great thor 

\---

 **i saw the hulk dab** _@weRnumeroUno_

did anyone ELSE see _@drbrucebanner_ call _@thor_ babe????? or am i hallucinating???

> **duolingo owl slaughters me for missing a french lesson** _@stupidmonolingual_

NO HOLY SHIT THAT JUST HAPPENED 

>> **this is the good place!** _@bingbingbong_

THEY SAID GAY RIGHTS _#thruce_

\---

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\---

 **peraltiago babey!** _@hewwomwister_

not to be avengers stan on main but... the quinjet? lmao i've only heard of the _#queerjet_

> **slow down there** _@buckaroobarnes_

thats exactly right lmao

>> **BUCKY BARNES SAID LGBT RIGHTS** _@hewwomwister_

OH MY GOD

\---

 **Buzzfeed News** _@Buzzfeed_

Are _@thor_ and _@drbrucebanner_ in a relationship? For how long? We don't know, but _#thruce_ has the internet exploding!

\---

 **Fox News** _@FoxNews_

 _@thor_ and _@drbrucebanner_ could be in a gay relationship. Here's 10 more reasons why we can't support these "heroes":

[ foxnews.com ](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)

\---

 **the credible hulk** _@drbrucebanner_

so yes, _@thor_ and i have been in a relationship for a while. we're happy to finally go public with it!! 

> **finally got a bigger phone** _@thor_

<3 i love you so much!!!

>> **iwi** _@apotatoflewaround_

oh my god i love THIS so much

>>> **THRUCE it up** _@smalltownngal_

gay FUCKING rights

>>>> **fight for what's right** _@therealinejghafa_

ignore the haters, you two are amazing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me [ on tumblr ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com) sometimes i post shit
> 
> (if you didnt click the link you really should lmao its not fox news's website i'll tell ya that)
> 
> im really sorry that harley. still isn't even here yet. it takes a while but he'll b there. i swear. i know we're all starving for content here in the parkner tag. it's coming!! i originally wrote this fic gen, then i thought interwebs, then i chose parkner. so it's slow. soz.
> 
> heres a question y'all... best/worst buzzfeed quiz. in french class one time i took one on buzzfeed's french site that told me i have zero (0) % big dick energy and im still offended.


	4. #FindGarageKid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> harley will be here NEXT CHAPTER i swear
> 
> on a side note im making progress on one of those cliche field trip to SI one-shots. its going great. lots of parkner. captain marvel gives peter a juicebox. its going _great_
> 
> enjoy the chapter!!

**hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

tall people hmu pls 

> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

haha you're like 5'8

>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

YOU'RE LITERALLY 5'9?!?!?!?!

>>> **ah shit, here we go again** _@gnomeognomeo_

tony stark is 5'9??

>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

he wears huge lifts all the time 

>>>>> **ah shit, here we go again** _@gnomeognomeo_

wait how do u know that

>>>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

i have an internship at _@StarkIndustries_

>>>>>>> **ah shit, here we go again** _@gnomeognomeo_

any other fun facts???

>>>>>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

>;3c

\---

**hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

embarrassing facts about mr stark: a thread (1/5)

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

his favourite movie is that one happy sad one about the dog. A Dog's Purpose. he made me watch it w/ him & _@pepperpotts_ and we all cried. (2/5)

>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

[ this video of mr stark. boogie wonderland… ](https://youtu.be/f7MSBIsx66A) (3/5) 

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

one time _@captainamerica_ dared him to drink butter straight from the machine at the movies and he did. (4/5)

>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

once he broke into a kid's garage idk the kid's name but tony stark broke into his garage. twitter do your thing _#FindGarageKid_ (5/5)

\---

 **salt and... what's this?** _@pepperpotts_

i don't care if you expose tony just don't expose me _@peteyparkerr_

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

sorry pepper you're the only one i respect

>> **i would die for the avengers but they wouldn't let me** _@souperhero_

Why don't you respect any of the avengers? Aren’t you just an intern?

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

coz i've seen them fight over the last strawberry poptart like it's the only food left in the universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me [ tumblr ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com) if u havent already 
> 
> thank you all so much for reading! i really appreciate all of the hits, kudos & comments. you guys are the best
> 
> heres a question: favourite poptart flavour? im a strawberry gal


	5. @potatoguntime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at last, the chapter you've been waiting for!!! HARLEY IS FINALLY HERE 
> 
> slowburn & steady wins the race

**meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

hey NYC!!! its ya girl shuri. im visiting from _#wakanda_ with my way lamer brother _@kingofwakanda_

> **black panther** _@kingofwakanda_

why are you so mean to me

>> **meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

im literally just telling the truth

\---

 **America's Ass** _@captainamerica_

Yes, the _#ButterIncident_ did happen. It was amazing.

> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

IT DID NOT

>> **America's Ass** _@captainamerica_

Actually…

[ thebutterincident.mov ](https://youtu.be/3EJ_QarIUqI)

It did. :)

>>> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

stfu capsicle 

\---

 **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

hey _@peteyparkerr_ tony stark broke into my garage a while back i think im the one you're looking for with _#FindGarageKid_

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

HOLY SHIT

>> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

Harley no

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

HARLEY YES

\---

DM _@peteyparkerr_ & _@potatoguntime_

 _@peteyparkerr_  
so  
it was your garage that tony stark broke into?

 _@potatoguntime_  
it sure was

 _@peteyparkerr_  
i love that for him  
rat dad

 _@potatoguntime_  
he rlly is!!! 

_@peteyparkerr_  
well  
im peter!! i live in NYC and im tony's intern/annoyance

 _@potatoguntime_  
ok im harley  
i live in tennessee, i don’t like tennis  
i shot tony stark with a potato gun once

 _@peteyparkerr_  
wait THAT'S why ur @ is that!!!  
you have to come to NYC sometime so we can annoy the shit out of mr stark

 _@potatoguntime_  
ABSOLUTELY?!?!??!

\---

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tunglr right [ here ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com) i just posted some parkner headcanons if you wanna check those out
> 
> question of the day, lads: dumbest stunt u've ever done. the _#ButterIncident_ ? actually that was me. i drank butter straight from the machine. it tasted... bad.


	6. #pridemonth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its not pride month yet but in any case. here we are lads.
> 
> sorry its been a hot minute since ive posted lmao i took my sweet time formatting this bad boy
> 
> enjoy anyway!

**does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

ITS _#pridemonth_ HELL YEAHHHH

> ***inhales waffles*** _@therealninazenik_

ARE YOU LGBT SPIDER-MAN? 

**does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

i sure am!!! 

>>> **dont make me leave my bed** _@imcryinscoob_

OH MY GOD

>>>> **yeah im gonna take my horse** _@wOOpWooP_

THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER _#lgbtrepresentation_

>>>>> **you are my fire** _@hannahnotmontana_

SPIDER-MAN IS BI AND TRANS HOLY SHIT 

\---

 **BBC News (World)** _@BBCWorld_

 _@spider-man_ just came out as bisexual and transgender via twitter.

\---

 **The Daily Bugle** _@thedailybugle_

Spider-man is reportedly bisexual and transgender. 

> **oh big f** _@minecraftvillagernoise_

are you gonna say... anything else?

>> **oh big f** _@minecraftvillagernoise_

i guess not

\---

 **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

kudos to _@peteyparker_ who forgot about an entire project in chemistry and is now skipping school to hang at stark tower and finish it

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

i had more important things going on what can i say

>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

its worth like. 15% of our grade bro.

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

wait fuck really

\---

 **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

i am so STUPID. actually im ILLITERATE. i dont know How to Read. i am the DUMBEST person ALIVE. im FOOL. my dumb bitch disease is infectious. vaccinate ur children against my bullshit

> **SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME** _@flashydashy_

lmao idiot

>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

einstein wants what i have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me in [ hell world tumblr.com ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com)
> 
> peter is doing his best and as i say this i realize i have hw to do rn. so i should get on that. 
> 
> question for today: fav weapon? its a totally unrelated question but. i really feel that knives are like. fucking rad. so yeah.


	7. @kingofwakanda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i needed more shuri in my life
> 
> it's been a while since i've posted and it'll probably be a while till next time too (finals are during pride month id like a refund please :/)
> 
> in any case! happy pride, happy chapter, happy "270 fics in the parkner tag when a few weeks ago there were only 170" day!

**meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

 _@kingofwakanda_ GIMME MY FUCKING LIGHTSABER

> **black panther** _@kingofwakanda_

NO

>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

YOU HAVE A LIGHTSABER??

>>> **meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

NOT RIGHT NOW I DON'T 

>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

GIVE HER BACK THE LIGHTSABER _@kingofwakanda_

\---

**Buzzfeed News** _@buzzfeed_

Who’s the kid that just tweeted _@kingofwakanda_? _@peteyparkerr_ is an intern for _@tonystark_ and seems to know many of the Avengers, but not much else is known about him.

\---

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\---

 **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

tfw your best friend @s a literal KING about LIGHTSABERS

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

it was a global emergency???

>> **meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

he did what he had to do

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

worth

[ usetheforce.mov ](https://youtu.be/gK_ji1AsI4w)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblrrrg [ located here ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com)
> 
> that vid? just a fun time. for the characters in universe it's actually a video of peter and shuri having a lightsaber fight in a nyc backalley, but for us, it's that glorious animatic.
> 
> question of the chapter: favourite vine/tiktok reference? i know vine died forever ago and tiktok is "cringey" but like. i have a bad sense of humour. so i'll still think it's funny.


	8. #CountryRoadsIncident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoooooo i have a final essay tomorrow but who fucking cares i wanted to update instead
> 
> also kate is here now. i love kate

**back window** _@blackwidow_

clint _@thecoolerhawkeye_ i know thats you singing country roads from in the vents

> **cooler than kate** _@thecoolerhawkeye_

who?!?!!

>> **back window** _@blackwidow_

switching to old town road will not save you. i will hunt you for sport, clint

>>> **cooler than kate** _@thecoolerhawkeye_

who’s clint???!?

>>>> **back window** _@blackwidow_

i have so many knives, clint. stop singing all star, clint.

>>>>> **cooler than kate** _@thecoolerhawkeye_

all that glitters is gold!!

\---

DM _@peteyparkerr_ & _@potatoguntime_

 _@peteyparkerr_  
harleyyyyyyy

 _@potatoguntime_  
yea petes

 _@peteyparkerr_  
i have NO IDEA what you look like

 _@potatoguntime_  
and?

 _@peteyparkerr_  
selfie trade?? 

_@potatoguntime_  
must we?

 _@peteyparkerr_  
yes  
how else will i recognize you when you finally get your ass to NYC

 _@potatoguntime_  
okokok but only if u send me one

 _@peteyparkerr_  
thats the point of a trade??

 _@potatoguntime_  
abbie took this pic of me before i grew my hair out  
so imagine like this but with a ponytail  


_@peteyparkerr_  
oh thats you?? oh.

 _@potatoguntime_  
hey petes  
peter?  
where r u?  
its been like an hour i demand an image of you 

_@peteyparkerr_  
right yea. soz im heading to stark industries so im in the car rn and the pics a little blurry  


_@potatoguntime_  
hold on a second man  
just hold on. a second.

 _@peteyparkerr_  
??

 _@potatoguntime_  
i really gotta go to NYC huh

 _@peteyparkerr_  
yes pleaseeeee

\---

**i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

testing... testing... 1... 2... 3... _@flashydashy_

> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

its been a day i think we're good to go!

>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

what did you do?

>>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

__

__

modded twitter so i can make tweets private to certain people

>>>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

useful…

\---

**better than clint** _@thebetterhawkeye_

hey twitter just wanna remind y'all it is i who is the better hawkeye

> **cooler than kate** _@thecoolerhawkeye_

:( 

>> **better than clint** _@thebetterhawkeye_

aw boohoo play me despacito on the world's smallest alexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr [ here ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com) if u wanna check it out
> 
> i hope those pics are alright it took me a while to find casual ones
> 
> (update: 7/16/2019) also in every fic i write harley now has a ponytail so i changed that a little because tragically ty does not. but harley does. 
> 
> underrated marvel character? i really love kate, but some others. if any of y'all watched that ultimate spiderman cartoon as kids,,,,, i LOVED that. the other heroes in that were so underrated.


	9. @buckaroobarnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i have a final tomorrow no i am not studying for it
> 
> here's your chapter! i figure that shuri taught bucky how to meme when he was in wakanda so i took advantage of that.

**hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

me getting a snack:

my friends when they see me eating froot loops on the ceiling at 3am:

> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

peter stopppppppp

>> **meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

i rlly feel this in my bones

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

cant relate i don't have bones

>>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

shut UP this is such a mood

\---

DM _@nedderledders_ & _@peteyparkerr_

 _@nedderledders_  
do you  
do you have no  
peter do you actually not have bones

 _@peteyparkerr_  
i've broken bones a lot so  
theoretically,,,  
well at least. i think i have them?

 _@nedderledders_  
you. think.  
okay  
alright

\---

DM _@tonystark_ & _@peteyparkerr_

 _@tonystark_  
PETER

 _@peteyparkerr_  
yes mr stark?

 _@tonystark_  
WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT TWEET FROM YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT  
IT CLEARLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE SPIDER-MAN ONE  
YOU COULD HAVE EXPOSED YOUR SECRET IDENTITY

 _@tonystark_  
PETER

 _@tonystark_  
PETER ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW

 _@tonystark_  
STOP LEAVING ME ON READ

 _@peteyparkerr_  
people literally said it was a mood  
none of them knowww  
it was A Good Joke

 _@tonystark_  
fine

 _@tonystark_  
okay i'll bite  
do you have an exoskeleton, peter?  
are you a legit arthropod?

 _@peteyparkerr_  
i think i have bones?? cant be sure though

 _@tonystark_  
CAN'T BE SURE?!?!?

\---

**You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

this kid's giving me grey hairs jfc

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

you don't need me for that, mr. stark

\---

**slow down there** _@buckaroobarnes_

horses… in the back.  
horse tack… attached.  
hat… matte black.  
boots… black to match.

> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

hey mr barnes have i told you i would die for you

>> **slow down there** _@buckaroobarnes_

then perish

>>> **slow down there** _@buckaroobarnes_

lmao kidding i’d die for you too spidey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr [ can be found here ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com)
> 
> tell me any disturbed tom jokes you can think of! i still don't really like the one i came up with. they're kinda hard to get right!


	10. #ranibowsprimkles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i recognize that it has been more than a week since i've updated but in my defense im done finals so i can post lots now
> 
> hope you enjoy!!!

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\---

**i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

_@peteyparkerr_ gayyy

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

no u 

>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

o fukc the no u ception…

\---

**little guy bug problems** _@antman_

hey how ya doin well im doin just fine… i lied im dying inside

> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

u gud my buggy buddy?

>> **little guy bug problems** _@antman_

i dropped a cupcake on the ground and didn't shrink fast enough to catch it

>>> **wasp happenin?** _@thewasp_

there's literally 5 extra cupcakes

>>>> **little guy bug problems** _@antman_

listen. LISTEN. that one meant a lot to me

>>>> **wasp happenin?** _@thewasp_

it's the same as all the others???

>>>>>> **little guy bug problems** _@antman_

no it had exactly 3 more sprinkles :( it made all the difference in the world. i just want my _#ranibowsprimkles_

\---

**hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

fuck this shit. this shit is exhausting. i am so fucking done. FUCK YOU.

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

 _@flashydashy_ is it that hard to leave me and my friends tf alone

>> **SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME** _@flashydashy_

fuck you penis parker

>>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

yo leave my man peter alone

>>>> **SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME** _@flashydashy_

WHAT THE FUCK 

>>>>> **SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME** _@flashydashy_

sorry mr spider-man it won't happen again

\---

DM _@nedderledders_ & _@peteyparkerr_

 _@nedderledders_  
oh my god peter  
holy shit

 _@peteyparkerr_  
he’s finally gonna leave us tf alone!!!! 

_@nedderledders_  
tell spider-man thank you  
;D

 _@peteyparkerr_  
;D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr [ here ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com) if ur into that
> 
> fav cupcake flavour? i am quite partial to confetti cake because i am a vanilla person but also RANIBOW SPRIMKLES,,,,,,,.


	11. @godofmischief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you remember when i said i would update more because finals were done? '_' an i oop-
> 
> anyway. have this. 
> 
> tbh im not sure if i'll finish all of this fic? i have pretty much all of it written out but. theres so much. formatting. jfc
> 
> and i have real ass multi chapter fics that i'll b posting soon anyway,,,, ah we'll see.

**a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

hey today my little sister pushed me so im starting a kickstarter to put her down. the benefits of killing her would be i would get pushed way less. 

> **the best keener** _@abbadabbadoo_

r00d

>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

wait you’re way too young to have twitter tf???

>>> **the best keener** _@abbadabbadoo_

harley im 14

>>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

ok stop aging then delete all your social media

\---

**You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

FRIDAY add this to my wishlist

> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

wait SHIT how did that end up in a tweet

\---

**space pirate** _@thor_

NOW THAT I HAVE ADJUSTED TO USING TWITTER, I HAVE FORCED MY BROTHER _@godofmischief_ TO GET ONE TOO!

> **the credible hulk** _@drbrucebanner_

wait i taught you how to turn off caps lock

>> **space pirate** _@thor_

I LIKE THE EFFECT IT GIVES

>>> **loki** _@godofmischief_

why am i here

\---

**The Daily Bugle** _@TheDailyBugle_

Loki _@godofmischief_ joins the ranks of menacing superheroes to invade twitter with their propaganda. 

\---

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [ tumblr ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com)
> 
> i talk about upcoming fic stuff a lot on there
> 
> and also parkner. soooo much parkner!
> 
> q of the day: favourite shoe?? i am a basic preppy bitch aka i like converse or heels best.


	12. #gaymer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first part of this chapter was inspired by this [art](https://wizardstove.tumblr.com/post/186622216859/my-friends-r-wack) mika did 
> 
> they draw harley perfectly every time 12/10 would recommend

**a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

_@peteyparkerr_ introduce me to your friends

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

hey _@mjjj0nes @nedderledders_ look

>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

whats poppin himbos

>>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

hewwo?

>>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

howdy gaymers my names harley and my pronouns are yee/haw 

>>>>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

correct i am a _#gaymer_. approved. 

>>>>>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

hopefully he’ll be half decent at finishing the lyrics to minecraft revenge in our discord 

>>>>>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

creeper? aw man!

\---

**the first avenger** _@captainmarvel_

im on earth for a while and have been commanded by monica to get a twitter. so uh. hi twitter. hope you enjoy my goose pics. 

\---

**Celeb News Now** _@CNNcelebnews_

Even more superheroes are getting twitter. The first avenger, _@captainmarvel_ now has a twitter. It is dedicated to posting cat pics.

\---

**Fake News** _@What’sBehindTheCurtain_

Loki is a horrible person. The people he hurt and the things he did… and so many of you are thirsting over him on twitter instead of calling him out. _#antiloki_

> **loki** _@godofmischief_

I’m really sorry about all that happened, but I was not in the right mind. Literally, I was being mind-controlled. 

>> **Fake News** _@What’sBehindTheCurtain_

That can't be true.

>>> **space pirate** _@thor_

HELLO, _@What’sBehindTheCurtain_ PLEASE DIRECT MESSAGE ME RIGHT NOW.

>>>> **Fake News** _@What’sBehindTheCurtain_

im sorry mr loki it won't happen again i understand now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on[ tumblr ](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com)
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! 
> 
> question du jour: i dunno whats ur fave colour and why? im rather big on mint green but i hate mint :/


	13. @tonystark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> parkner week starts tomorrow hOLy FUCK
> 
> i've written 4 out of 10 fics and im reuogahalebrlaqbha 
> 
> im lsing my mind y/all

**does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

hhheyy do youuu guuuys heree tthat???

> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

?????

>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

i dranklkk like 3 coffees becausee i dont knoww what sleep is 

>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

mr spiderman are you okay

>>>> **does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

myyy organs are buzzinng lmaoooooooo 

>>>>> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

hey what the FUCK

\---

**hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

sing it with me now kids!!!

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

TONY STARK DO DO DO DO DO DO

>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

TONY STARK DO DO DO DO DO DO

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

TONY STARK DO DO DO DO DO DO

>>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

_@tonystark_

>>>>> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

you two are the WORST

>>>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

harley PLEASE come to NYC please 

>>>>>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

to annoy tony? ofc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [hwvuealbvhlw](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com/)
> 
> i hope u enjoyed even though im DYING
> 
> how is everyone's parkner week prep going? i dont have any fucking braincells someone help me


	14. #wakanda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i recognize that i never update this fic anymore but. yea there's no defending me
> 
> i hope you enjoy anyway!
> 
> this chapter is highkey based on [this](https://faithfullyfalse.tumblr.com/post/184897689404/andhumanslovedstories-andhumanslovedstories) post, aka the post that made all of us ship shurmj in the first place. beautiful.

**i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

im doing an AP Capstone research project on _#wakanda_ atm and whoa y’all i really wanna go there

**T'Challa, The Black Panther** _@kingofwakanda_

We’re doing youth outreach right now! Come to Wakanda and my very talented, accomplished, brilliant sister _@princessshuri_ will give you a personal tour!

\---

DM _@peteyparkerr_ & _@mjjj0nes_

_@mjjj0nes_  
HEY AM I  
FUCKING HALLUCINATING OR DID  
THE KING OF WAKANDA JUST INVITE ME TO HIS COUNTRY ON TWITTER

_@peteyparkerr_  
that legit happened  
bee tee dubs i’d come with u because shuri and i are partners in crime

_@mjjj0nes_  
HOW TF DO YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS FOR A FRIEND PETER

_@peteyparkerr_  
connections

_@mjjj0nes_  
PETER YOU BARELY TALK TO ANYONE BUT NED, ME, AND HARLEY

_@peteyparkerr_  
don’t even worry about it

_@mjjj0nes_  
PETER

\---

DM _@kingofwakanda_ & _@princessshuri_

_@princessshuri_  
T’CHALLA WHAT THE FUCK

_@kingofwakanda_  
hey don't use that kind of language

_@princessshuri_  
T’CHALLA WHAT ON THIS GODDAMN EARTH ARE YOU DOING

_@kingofwakanda_  
im helping you, ya little shit

_@princessshuri_  
WELL STOP  
I WANT TO SUFFER IN PINING ALONE

\---

DM _@kingofwakanda_ & _@mjjj0nes_

_@kingofwakanda_  
Just ask your parents, set some dates and you can come to Wakanda!

_@mjjj0nes_  
Thank you so much, King T’Challa! I couldn't be more excited to see Wakanda! This is an amazing opportunity and I am so thankful!

_@kingofwakanda_  
No need to be so formal. I follow you on twitter, MJ.  
And bring that Peter kid with you. 

_@mjjj0nes_  
GREAT

\---

**i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

HOLY SHIT GUYS IM GOING TO WAKANDAAAAA

> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

cant the literal king of wakanda see this doesn't he follow you

>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

ned’s twitter mod. he can't see this one. also THE KING OF WAKANDA FOLLOWS ME. its insane

>>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

also he specifically told me that you’re coming too??

>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

yell heah!!! _@princessshuri_ lets get this bread

>>>>> **meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tunglr](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com/)
> 
> INSTEAD OF A Q OF THE DAY LIKE I USUALLY DO CLICK [THIS](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20455118/chapters/48533324) TO CHECK OUT MY NEW FIC, STAR-CROSSED. PLEASE. IT'S GONNA GET GOOD SOON
> 
> ty for reading!


	15. @princessshuri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what im doing rn?? not working on my chem lab that's for sure
> 
> so uh. have some shitpost! it's been a hot minute since i've just gone crazy aah gone stupid but Here We Go Again

**does whatever a spider can** _@spider-man_

gonna be out of town for a bit!! 

> **SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME** _@flashydashy_

that's too bad spoodey

>> **IM SO SORRY SPIDER-MAN** _@flashydashy_

***SPIDEY

>>> **spooder-man** _@spider-man_

no continue

\---

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\--

**black panther** _@kingofwakanda_

she froze… 

> **meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

brother why

\---

**hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

holy shittt _@potatoguntime_ DO YOU HAVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT

> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

DO YOU HAVE A NEW YORK ACCENT

>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

HEY IM WALKIN ERE

>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

i guess i probably have one??? u never realize how much you say “y’all” until u think about it

>>>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

only two types of people say y’all: cowboys and gays

>>>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

thats my new soundcloud

\--

DM _@peteyparkerr_ & _@princessshuri_

 _@peteyparkerr_  
whoaaaa  
he has a southern accent  
shuri thats really hot

 _@princessshuri_  
your gay

 _@peteyparkerr_  
what about my gay

 _@princessshuri_  
its getting out

 _@peteyparkerr_  
and yours isn’t???  
i see you looking at mj 

_@princessshuri_  
perish

 _@peteyparkerr_  
only after i call harley for the sheer purpose of hearing his accent

 _@princessshuri_  
you’re so smart peter  
so skilled  
for god’s sake you’re SPIDER-MAN  
and yet you do dumb thirsty shit like this

 _@peteyparkerr_  
im only a man  
he has a southern accent  
HE SAYS Y’ALL

 _@princessshuri_  
you say Y’ALL ALL THE TIME

 _@peteyparkerr_  
THATS BECAUSE IM GAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [they added group chats to tumblr wtf](https://high-quality-not.tumblr.com/)
> 
> so tell me... do u have an accent? im bi and weak for people's voices so...
> 
> hope ur having a good day, and if you aren't, i hope at least something made u happy today. <3
> 
> also i just realized theres no image or link in this chapter ah fuck its too late now


	16. #minecraft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "hazel what are you doing you don't even go here anymore"
> 
> listen, yall, just because i havent opened my ao3 in like a month doesn't mean SHIT i do what i want and what i want is to update my shitpost fic, weirdly enough

**hi my name is peter with a b** _@peterparkerr_

hey important question for science reasons: reply w/ how tall you are

> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

5’11 hbu?

>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

… 5’8

>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

holy shit you’re just BABEY

>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

shut up tall people don't have rights. ur barely tall. shut up. shut

>>>>> **You Know Who I Am** _@tonystark_

when was it again that you were talking about how hot tall people are

>>>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

people can be hot as hell and still have no rights, mr stark

>>>>>>> **a little keen** _@potatoguntime_

hot as hell????

\---

DM _@peteyparkerr_ & _@mjjj0nes_

 _@peteyparkerr_  
FUCK

 _@mjjj0nes_  
bitch

 _@peteyparkerr_  
i really said that shit

 _@mjjj0nes_  
BITCH

 _@peteyparkerr_  
yea?

 _@mjjj0nes_  
stop

 _@peteyparkerr_  
i will do whatever you want when you finally ask shuri out

 _@peteyparkerr_  
exactly 

\---

**i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

_@peteyparkerr_ we get it you’re in LOVE

> _hi my name is peter with a b @peteyparkerr_

NED OMG. STOP.

>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

i have the mod peter im protecting you even though you’re being the worst

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR MOTHER BUYS YOU C++ MINECRAFT INSTEAD OF JAVA 

>>>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

you fUCKING TAKE THAT BACK

>>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE FOXES IN C++ MINECRAFT

>>>>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

IM GONNA SAY IT. I DON’T CARE THAT YOU BROKE YOUR NON BONES

>>>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

YOU ARE SO MEAN TO ME

>>>>>>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

I AM A JAVA MINECRAFTER THROUGH AND THROUGH

>>>>>>>> **i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

what the FUCK are you guys saying

>>>>>>>>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

ask out shuri, bitch

>>>>>>>>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

ned fucking snapped he’s so done with our pining lmao

\---

**I just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

im gonna do it

\---

**i just want to sit here and read my books** _@mjjj0nes_

when ur the luckiest girl alive

> **meme queen, real princess** _@princessshuri_

<3 <3 <3

>> **i love you. i know.** _@nedderledders_

DID YOU FINALLY

>>> **hi my name is peter with a b** _@peteyparkerr_

THEY DID!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to [ME](https://highqualitynot.tumblr.com/) (yes i did change my tumblr url but not the links in all my fics) for being too lazy to put images/links in not just one but TWO chapters, in a ROW
> 
> and also to the dudes in my ap csp class who were playing c++ minecraft a while back. no foxes? depressing. 
> 
> so tell me, dear reader. have you missed me? cant promise i'll be back, but i have a nice amount of pre-written shitpost. will i ever finish a real fic like star-crossed? that's a secret i'll NEVER tell. xoxo gossip girl
> 
> let's talk about minecraft today. i have a spotify playlist of minecraft parodies which is a POWER MOVE on my part, and i made a house out of bees once. what was your best build? favourite bop? sweden still slaps ngl


End file.
